Apprehensive. Tense. Short of breath.
I stumble over my words.
Confused and frightened.
Been here times before
Gets harder each time
We're going nowhere fast.
We walk across frozen lakes
tossing snowballs
you write your name in the snow
A love story with no happy ending
Our feet grow cold, and wet.
our hearts heavy, Minds clouded
Frozen Sunday made our lives.
Frozen Sunday made our lives.
Thursday, March 4, 2010
Monday, March 1, 2010
A letter.
Feb. 1, 2010
N******,
If you really mean what you said about ending your own life, then I suppose that now would be the time to "man up" and say what's been bothering me for so long.
I don't know if you remember the day I kissed you. To me, it was something I'll not soon forget, for more reasons than the obvious. That was the day that changed everything for me, the day I quit even remotely giving a fuck about other people's opinions, and began focusing on you.
I gave up a great relationship with C****** to be with you , and yet, Karma managed to get me back for that. I wrecked the friendship you had built with her, and I can only apologise for that now.
I don't feel bitter about never being more than a friend to you. I only wish that I hadn't been so selfish with my time. I see now that I should have made an effort to spend more of that time with you, and ultimately should have been a better friend to you.
About the night of our fight: I told you that maybe one day I could find the words to explain to you what happened. Here are those words: J*****'s girlfriend, M*****, was the person who answered my cell phone that night. Obviously, I let her. I did it due to my immaturity. I was pissed because you forced me to choose. I made such an issue over calling the house because I try to keep the things I do away from home seperate from my home life. The text (you know which one I'm talking about) was co-written by M***** and myself, another monumental fuck-up. I hope you can forgive me.
Long ago, I penned a very short story entitled [title omitted], which I posted for all to see on MySpace. I remember your comment saying that the girl in the story reminded you of yourself, but you were so sure that it wasn't you. It was. The whole story was about letting you go so that you could find happiness in your own way, no matter what that meant. That is something I have never been able to do fully, but fear I may be forced to soon.
No matter what, I want you to know and keep with you these things: You truly are a beautiful person, physically and personally. You have changed my life in ways that you are unaware of, in ways that I struggle to believe. You shaped three-fourths of my Senior year, and the two-and-a-half years that followed, both directly and indirectly.
Do you recall telling me that the song "She Will Be Loved" described us perfectly? It still does, N******. FOr good, for bad, I will love you more anything, no matter what you choose. This is fact, and will not change.
I still have those two promises I made to you written down, and they have been kept faithfully. I would like to make you a third promise now. You told me that, in the even that you should commit suicide, you would want me to live on, despite losing you. I promise you that I will do my best to live on should that eventuality become your fate.
I can ask nothing of you but to do what you need to do to find happiness, even if that means I must give you up. Remember: I love you. Now and always.
- [Name Omitted]
N******,
If you really mean what you said about ending your own life, then I suppose that now would be the time to "man up" and say what's been bothering me for so long.
I don't know if you remember the day I kissed you. To me, it was something I'll not soon forget, for more reasons than the obvious. That was the day that changed everything for me, the day I quit even remotely giving a fuck about other people's opinions, and began focusing on you.
I gave up a great relationship with C****** to be with you , and yet, Karma managed to get me back for that. I wrecked the friendship you had built with her, and I can only apologise for that now.
I don't feel bitter about never being more than a friend to you. I only wish that I hadn't been so selfish with my time. I see now that I should have made an effort to spend more of that time with you, and ultimately should have been a better friend to you.
About the night of our fight: I told you that maybe one day I could find the words to explain to you what happened. Here are those words: J*****'s girlfriend, M*****, was the person who answered my cell phone that night. Obviously, I let her. I did it due to my immaturity. I was pissed because you forced me to choose. I made such an issue over calling the house because I try to keep the things I do away from home seperate from my home life. The text (you know which one I'm talking about) was co-written by M***** and myself, another monumental fuck-up. I hope you can forgive me.
Long ago, I penned a very short story entitled [title omitted], which I posted for all to see on MySpace. I remember your comment saying that the girl in the story reminded you of yourself, but you were so sure that it wasn't you. It was. The whole story was about letting you go so that you could find happiness in your own way, no matter what that meant. That is something I have never been able to do fully, but fear I may be forced to soon.
No matter what, I want you to know and keep with you these things: You truly are a beautiful person, physically and personally. You have changed my life in ways that you are unaware of, in ways that I struggle to believe. You shaped three-fourths of my Senior year, and the two-and-a-half years that followed, both directly and indirectly.
Do you recall telling me that the song "She Will Be Loved" described us perfectly? It still does, N******. FOr good, for bad, I will love you more anything, no matter what you choose. This is fact, and will not change.
I still have those two promises I made to you written down, and they have been kept faithfully. I would like to make you a third promise now. You told me that, in the even that you should commit suicide, you would want me to live on, despite losing you. I promise you that I will do my best to live on should that eventuality become your fate.
I can ask nothing of you but to do what you need to do to find happiness, even if that means I must give you up. Remember: I love you. Now and always.
- [Name Omitted]
Sunday, December 27, 2009
Writing Us Together.
You told me we're not good for each other.
I said I saw what you meant
I said I agreed.
I'm such a liar.
You flew away to Old Virginny
Saying "this isn't the way I want it,
but I'll only manipulate you"
you left me alone with my pen
I went home to my desk
opened our book of secrets
drew my pen, red as my love
and began writing us together.
I said I saw what you meant
I said I agreed.
I'm such a liar.
You flew away to Old Virginny
Saying "this isn't the way I want it,
but I'll only manipulate you"
you left me alone with my pen
I went home to my desk
opened our book of secrets
drew my pen, red as my love
and began writing us together.
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